Warning: Contains strong language, Muse abuse.
(Sung to the melody of “My favorite things” from Sound of Music)
Please, my dear Muse, could I get inspiration?
I want to write rockets and space exploration,
Asteroids, spaceships, and lasers, and stars,
Or green-skinned aliens from Venus or Mars!
Dear writer mine, I will tell you of fairies,
Unicorns, mermaids, eagles in their eyries,
Princes and dragons and castles in clouds:
These are the things that you should write about!
Waltz music playing on swirling space stations,
Evil empires, star fleets, federations;
C-Beams that glitter at Tannhauser Gate:
Something like this, my dear Muse, would be great!
Would you not rather be writing fan fiction,
Songs to myself with Shakespearean diction,
Do what I say, just let me pull the strings:
I’ll fill your head with most wonderful things!
I need place names that are not idiotic,
My bad guys are sweethearts, my heroes neurotic,
My plot’s lost in space (and so is my fleet) —
Help! Please! Dear Muse! I have deadlines to meet!
You won’t think of flowers and poems and poodles,
Want to write wordcount, not ditties and doodles?
Oh, I don’t know, that’s not fitting my style;
How about I’ll just shut up for a while?
No! Stop! My Muse! Come back here! I still need you!
Without your guidance my words will not read true.
But then, who cares, I just want to get done,
Fuck you, my Muse, I will do it alone.
Got no plot line, got no write time, I’m just gooo~oing mad
We’ll get all the plotholes out in the next draft, and that won’t be so bad!